captivesofhope

Finding renewal and hope

Category Archives: Trials


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Roller Coaster

I was six months pregnant and my husband was hospitalized because of his heart. I stayed at the hospital as long as I could, but I had to go home because my body was so weak and I was in constant pain. I got home late and parked in a random  space. When I woke up the next morning, my car had been towed. At this moment, I broke. Yes, I lost it. I began to weep and wonder why was this happening and how was I supposed to handle it in my condition? I didn’t even have the money or the transportation to get my car back. Just then, my sister called me on the phone. When she heard the state I was in, she knew I needed help. It was not like me to fall apart, but at that moment, I had. My sister came and prayed for me until I came to my right mind again. I was able to calm down and restore my trust in God and let Him carry me through. He did. I got my car back and my husband was eventually released from the hospital. Now, it seems like this happened to someone else. My husband is as spry as ever. My son is now 18 months old and knows nothing of the struggles that went on while he grew in my womb.

Looking closely at the lives of my friends, my family, and my own life, I see a common theme; struggle and victory, struggle and victory. I watch others endure intense situations that seem to have no answer. Then I watch God show His power. I have sat up late at night into the AM praying with people or having them pray for me. We prayed and groaned in the Spirit. We did not know what to do other than to seek Him. After God answered the prayer; however, we understood a new depth of His ability to truly do anything. We watched Him do the impossible right before our eyes. Situations like these often make people run from God. They become afraid and feel they cannot endure any longer, but in truth, they have not understood that moments like these are necessary so that God can do what we cannot do. When people get on a roller coaster, they know it’s going to be scary, but it will be fun too. Once you are on the roller coaster, you cannot jump off on the scary part because if you do, you will be injured or maybe even killed. I daresay that many people are mad at God because He did not help them, but the truth is that they jumped off on a dangerous part and were injured because they stopped believing. Their conclusion is that it is too hard to live for God. They didn’t wait around to see how He carries His children through the rough places of life. Inevitably, life has rough places for everyone. It is best to let God determine what the trials will be rather than to let life and the devil have their way. If God brings us to a trial, He will bring us through it. Yes, we may have some ugly moments where we fall apart and lose it, but at these times, God will pick us up and carry us to the finish line. The trial is not really about us anyway. It is about Him. It is about knowing Him in the power of His might and in the fellowship of His suffering. At the finish line is blessing and anointing. We have to grow through trial before we can rule and reign with Him. The reward far outweighs the struggle. Give Jesus another chance if you have given up. Just see what He will do. Ride the roller coaster to the end. No ride lasts forever.


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Shaking the World

I have been in a hostile environment for these five months and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me because it has. I have been insulted, belittled, embarrassed, criticized, and bullied. This situation has challenged my self-image, my peace, my joy, and my faith. I have had some very rough days, but God has sustained me. The scripture that summarizes my experience is, “And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain” (Hebrews 12: 27). In this scripture God talks about shaking the earth and Heaven so that the shaken things can be removed. Those things that cannot be shaken, cannot be removed. God has shaken my world during these months. I have had to decide if I really believe what I say I do. Do I really believe that God is going to keep His promises? Do I even believe that God made the promises? Am I an overcomer or am I a coward? Do I believe that I can walk on water if Jesus bids me come? Do I believe that I hear from God or am I fooling myself? All these questions had to
be answered before I could move forward. Many things have fallen away. I have seen a lot of things removed from my life. Some things were more painful than others. Now, all that is left is me and God. The real me and the real God. You know what? I like what I see. I feel like I made it. I did not do it perfectly, but I am still standing. I had to cry and I had to pray. I had to worship God with trembling lips and a teary face, but I worshiped Him. I had to groan and struggle and ask questions. I had to have others pray for me and with me. Some days were better than others, but I am still alive and I still love God. What’s more, my relationship with Him is deeper than it was before. It is easier to trust Him. I feel lighter because God removed the things that were weighing me down. Now it’s time to step off into destiny.


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A Safe Place

Early this morning, I heard the rumbling of a thunderstorm just outside my window. Strangely, the lightning and the thunder did not frighten me. Instead, it comforted me. After exhaling a peaceful sigh, I fell asleep again. I know that a storm can be dangerous and even deadly, but when you admire it from a safe place, it is a thing of beauty. It can create an amazing sense of peace.

The Bible describes God as a hiding place, a pavilion, a strong tower, a shield. When we rest in God and let storms roll by, as they inevitably will, we will be at peace. We have no cause to fear because we are safe. We can even sleep on and let the sound of tapping rain rock us deeper. In the safe place, we come to know God. We learn that we can trust Him. As we lay our head on His bosom, we can hear His heartbeat and we know that it beats for us. We even come to appreciate the storm knowing that its force cannot destroy anything that is hidden in Him. Furthermore, the rain from the storm causes life to flourish. The ground gives birth to a sea of flowers after it has bathed in God’s showers.

Dear Jesus,

When my heart is broken, I place it in your hands. Heal me, O God and I shall be healed. Hold me in the safety of Your love that I will not fear when life thunders against me. Let the lightning flashes succeed only in illuminating Your love for me. Help me not to worry over things that might be destroyed since the whole world is in Your power. Nothing can move unless You give it the power to do so. Nothing can conquer me except my own fearful heart Nothing can overwhelm me if I surrender to Your design for my life. Underneath the covering of Your garment, I safely rest. Wrap me in a healing cocoon and change me into another Destiny.

Amen


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Precious Pain

When I gave my life to God, everything fell apart. My marriage collapsed, I dropped out of school though I had a full scholarship, I had a nervous breakdown and depression tried to ruin my life. I can assure you that I was not having fun during this time, but what I was doing was growing. I was learning to trust God with everything. Some days I thought the pain would kill me, but God commanded even my lungs to breathe because I lacked the strength. I found a place in God where pain ceased to exist. At times, I almost thought the world was gone because I was so deep into Him. During worship times at church, I got so lost in His presence, so lost in fact that I had someone ask me, “where do you go during worship?” I didn’t know what it was called then. Now I refer to it as the secret place. The devil couldn’t find me there. Fear couldn’t find me there. Failure and depression couldn’t find me there. I was covered by the shadow of His wings.

And now, when God uses me, there is a foundation underneath me. I have fought and won in Jesus’ name. I have a platform of experience to speak from. God has repaired my marriage. As a matter of fact, as I stood at the altar weeping about God’s will for this blog, my husband came over, put his arms around me and began to wipe my tears away. It was so worth the struggle so that I can watch God dust off the diamond I married. I also have a Bachelor’s degree having graduated with a 4.0 average. I am months away from a Master’s degree also with a 4.0 average. My mind is stable (though some might debate this J). I found Him who has promised to be faithful.

Can I invite you to remember something God has promised you? Write it down so that when He does it, you will have a record. Also, write down the promises that God has already fulfilled. This is your proof of His faithfulness. It is not that we want to doubt, we just forget to believe. So remember Jesus today. Meditate on His words to you. Believe them. I am a witness to His ability to bring every word to pass. Hebrews 10: 35-38 declares, “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith…” (English Standard Version)


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Destiny’s Renewed Hope

          About one year ago, the Lord spoke to me and said, “I am about to shake things up in your life so you can get to where you need to be”. He also told me that things were going to be hard for a while. My immediate response was fear and depression. After a few days, the depression lifted as I put my life on the altar again. Shortly after God’s initial word, He spoke to me again through a sister at church. She told me that Spiritual increase was coming to my life and that people close to me were not going to like it, but to walk in it anyway. I received this word in better spirits because I had already placed my life on the altar. Still, I made a mental note to put on my seatbelt.

            A year later, God has changed both my spiritual and my physical locations. I found myself in a place of loneliness confronted by a person who has been known to be brutal and cruel to many people in the past. I have had to endure daily insults, criticisms, belittling, etc. I have been broken. But the situation has caused me cry out to God in a way I haven’t in a long time. It made me fight not to be a casualty of someone else’s unhappiness. As I fought, I climbed out of a pit I didn’t know I was in. The pit was called fatigue. Past battles had rendered me useless as they sucked the life out of me and with it, my faith. Now, I am beginning to recover what was stolen. God is restoring my hope and faith in Him. From this experience has sprung the birth of this blog, Captives of Hope.